February 1, 2011
December 12, 2007
Open and Shut
After seeing the doors to the Orange Line train open and shut no less than four times at a particular stop, any frequent Metro customer knows what’s coming down the tracks. “Customers, this train is out of service, this train is out of service. We will offload at this time.” This phrase, followed by the groans and muddled cursing of Metro passengers of all ages, walks, and backgrounds, fills the air of the crowded platform moments later. An unwelcome situation no doubt, however, many passengers experienced such inconveniences only rarely.
Not this year, my friends. The Metro has outdone itself in 2007. Remarkable delays, untold offboarded trains for no discernable reason, sick passengers galore, and a fire in Union Station highlight the depths to which the DC Metro system has sunk. Its poor performance, often lower than the depths of its tunnels, has become the norm and customers now factor these inconveniences into their daily schedules.
The two lines I frequent daily, Orange and Red, have managed to make me late to work for over a week straight. I have offboarded two days in a row from the Orange line, the Red Line is so screwed up they had both trains moving in the same direction last week while making passengers switch sides of the platform! As you may have guessed, all those passengers who were told to switch sides were immediately dismayed by a reversal of this decision once completed. All told I spent 30 minutes of my life in Metro Center I’ll never get back. Today, a coworker of mine stood in Metro Center for 10 minutes and did not see a single train pass through in either direction.
So, if you’ve boarded the train this morning and were fortunate to get there early and find a seat, don’t get too comfortable. Who knows what untold evils await you at the next station, tunnel, or transfer. At this point in my Metro career, I am baffled as to how they can still refer to fare cards as SmartTrip. Simply astounding, Metro. Simply astounding.
November 8, 2007
Why I hate Gallery Pl./Chinatown
If there is one part of my morning I could do without, it would be transferring at Gallery Pl./Chinatown.
Every morning, without fail, I just get so upset that I just want to beat someone silly with my copy of EXPRESS.
I figure I’ll outline my daily journey, pointing out what could be done without.
Get off Yellow Line and walk through throngs of confused, tired souls towards the Glenmont escalator. This, without fail, will always have at least one person stand on the left side of the escalator and realize they’re being an asshole about 2/3 of the way up.
Once I turn the corner, you’ll have the eager pricks trying to pinball through an entire trainload of people to cut the corner to go to the down escalator. Come on people, an entire trainload of folks is barreling up an escalator and around a corner, do you think the train is miraculously still there?
Throughout this entire trip, are the obese and lazy people… well most of these people are obese because they are lazy, who have to pull their shit behind them in a mini suitcase. Take a fucking cab or I will push you down the escalator.
The next corner to turn is turning left down the Glenmont direction Red Line platform, which is always inordinately crowded. Here’s a novel idea: SPREAD THE FUCK OUT. By doing this, you’ll increase your odds of getting a seat. The Red Line is not a roller coaster; it’s not more fun to ride in the first car.
While waiting for the trains, you sadly notice how lame the “Happy 10th Birthday Verizon Center” signs. It has only been the Verizon center for like 4-5 years. Over on the Hill, there’s still a sign that says MCI CENTER. In addition to those stupid faux tattoos everyone in the ads have, they should change the caption to ‘Happy Birthday building now known as the Verizon Center!”. Next time I want to watch the Wizards get swept by the Cavaliers, eat at the dirtiest McDonalds & Chipotle in the region, or see some shitty concert, I’ll wish the Verizon center a happy birthday, in the interim, I could care less…
After pushing through that crowd of miscreants, one must endure the pungent aroma of brake fluid, unfailingly ever present. How come it’s only EVERY Red Line train that smells like ass? Another reason to hate the Red Line and the residential snobs who take it every day and talk about how ‘convenient’ it is.
Lastly, why are the doors on Red Line trains held open longer? To force the smell of brake fluid on us even longer?
Don’t even get me started about the ‘speed restrictions’ between Gallery place and Judouchiary/ Judishiary/ Judiciary square. (Pick the correct spelling, and you will never be a metro train driver). We all know the ‘speed restrictions’ meant that ‘we’re changing the target advertisement you no longer notice into one for a pick up truck’. Thanks for understanding.