This morning, I had to endure the torture of watching this ginger lady take up an entire bench from King Street to L’Enfant Plaza. She had an airport bag with her, and an entire cake. I thought “maybe she’s getting off at Reagan”, so I waited to take her seat. I was wrong.

Then this tourist family got on at Crystal City. The car became very crowded, and you could tell the tourists were uneasy. As 1/2 of the car exited at L’Enfant, this little girl (no older than six) blurts out “finally!”

She said what we were all thinking and my end of the car chuckled with her.

Watch this ad, knowing full well that next time you swipe your smartrip, you’re paying for shit like this.

Who let Metro get a YouTube account???

Further, they have informative videos explaining why you’re probably going to get wherever you’re going… late.

Oh, and if you’re still not sold on smartrip, Metro has a video for that, too.

H/T: Why I hate DC

I saw a crackhead this morning have his pants fall down as he attempted to leave the system. Not surprisingly, his farecard didn’t have enough money on it.

The escalators were still wrong.

Later, while having breakfast at McDonald’s, the crackhead proceeded to shout at all of the customers for no reason.

It was a great morning..

I just remixed the Metro man’s announcement.

Enjoy.

Click here to listen. Or to save, Right click and “save as”.

I don’t know if only guys sense this fear, or if girls do as well…

During the morning rush, when you use your smartrip in a hurry to get through the gate, do you ever fear the orange triangles could shut on your ‘cash and prizes?’ Because I do.

That would hurt.

The lady from the Red Line called back. We had a back and forth, as she thought I was talking about what happens when one escalator is broken (one must go up, according to Metro policies).

I proceeded to explain the traffic lane theory, and awkward two step that I endure daily, whereas I sidestep left, and the other person sidesteps right, and then we do it all over again, and one person has to make way.

Only then did she get what I meant. Apparently, they’re sending a supervisor to ‘ascertain the situation.’ I think that’s just super.

We’ll see!

I am surprised. Metro called me back this morning. I got to voice my concerns! Response time? Just under 9 hours.

I’m impressed. We’ll see if it changes things.

I love Easter, don’t get me wrong. Paas eggs. Hollow bunnies. Pastels. It’s just dandy.

What I don’t like is having to deal with Easter tourists. I would estimate that I missed probably missed 3 trains already this week because of people milling around Gallery Place / Chinatown. All tourists. I love ya, but you’re making it hard. Almost as annoying as all of the D.C. school children shouting at the top of their lungs to their friend who is two feet away.

What’s beyond me, is that, PEOPLE ALL SEEM TO WANT TO GET ON THE FIRST CAR OR THE LAST CAR.

Why?

I seriously don’t understand it. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs… “SPREAD OUT ALONG THE FUCKING PLATFORM AND YOU’LL GET TO WORK FASTER!” Maybe that’s why people do it. Nobody wants to get to work on time.

Which reminds me. I haven’t posted in a while. Sorry to disappoint.

I still continue to wonder why the crackpots at Metro haven’t been able to get the Union Station escalators running in the right direction. You know, the same way people drive. You come up to the top of the escalators, and you see that Metro has people going down on the right, and up on the left. This creates the biggest clusterfuck you’ll ever see between 7am and 9am. Why? Everyone coming down to get on instinctively goes to the far right, swimming like salmon upstream through a sea of commuters, already pissed off at the world. Metro, for one day, decided to switch. I don’t know why? Personally, I think the station manager messed up.

Anyways, I got so pissed thinking about it, I wrote Metro, just now. No, I didn’t use my email at this domain. We don’t want metro knowing about our little secret now, do we?

Here is my letter.

I have a question, and it’s quite simple. Frankly, I’ve thought about it for some time. Why are the escalators going up into Union Station (shopping end) backwards? When you drive, you drive on the right, and people go the opposite way on the left. It’s the way things are, and people act subconsciously because of it. I’ve worked in D.C. for a year now, and only one day, one day, did whoever turned the escalators on actually “get it right.” Obviously, it was a mistake, because it never happened again. When I, and 300 others get off at Union Station to go to work, once we turn the corner, we are faced with tons of pricks trying to cut over to our side, and people have to do that awkward two step.

Frankly, it irritates me nearly every morning. I know I’m not the only one. Do you think you could change it to reflect the true flow of traffic. People go up on the right side, and down on the left?

Let me know…

Anyways, I am looking for new stories about metro. Have any? If so, drop us a line…