As I was riding the Blue Line into L’Enfant Plaza during the end of day rush hour, and the conductor, who was much more talkative than usual uttered a disturbing message.

“For those of you on the last car, the doors seem to be closing slowly, or not at all. If you stay on the train past L’Enfant, and the doors do not close, please push them shut.”

WTF?

“Close the door behind you!” Sounds like a new metro pre-recorded jingle to be permanently ingrained in our memories.

IN OTHER NEWS
The Onion is now hiring people to give away copies of their paper at the metro stops on Wednesday evening like the Examiner and Express people do. Is it The Onion mocking legitimate newspapers? Maybe. Either way, the 2 seconds I save from taking it from a guy who gets paid more hourly than most recent college graduates in DC just makes my Wednesday…

Clearly, Metro etiquette would dictate that you either mute incoming phone calls you know you can’t answer (you’re in a fricking tunnel). To some however, mostly teenie bopper’s from GWU listening to iPods, or sleepy grave yard shift workers, letting your annoying ringtone permeate the entire car seems to have become a hobby.

I can understand the daddy’s girl from Milford, CT being too aloof to notice that her Verizon “f-a-b-o-l-o-u-s ” V-Cast is blasting throughout the cavernous re-habbed metro car. Maybe even the guy who has been working all night not knowing that la-cucaracha in MIDI format (a relic of the 1990′s) is annoying us. But today, a white gentlemen wearing a new U.S. Air Force Uniform didn’t seem to notice his “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio ringtone for about 30 seconds. The Dangerous Minds reference threw me for a total loop, as do most random ring tones. I looked in his general direction, assuming maybe, it was not his phone, until he got a puzzled look on his face, wondering “is this my phone ringing?”, when in fact it was.

Maybe I am preaching to the choir, but, if you know you can’t answer your phone three stories underground, please just mute it and save us all of the agony.

I saw this lady sitting in single row by the driver, reading this book. As if reading this in public wasn’t enough of a scarlet letter about how unhappy you are with your (lack of) romantic life, she was holding it up to her face while she was reading it, like you’d see in movies.

Apparently, this is how professional women cope with forgoing the substitute from “love”, to “love of work”.

Our friend Matt suggested that it’s like those Chicken Soup for the Soul books everyone seems to be reading nowadays. It really is sad that you have to publicize your depressed state with all of us other riders, so please cut it out, and go eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

Book Description from Amazon (seriously)

Written especially for single women, this user–friendly devotional helps individuals searching to understand their place in the world draw closer to the true Lover of their soul. Bestselling author Michelle McKinney Hammond combines usable scriptural principles for daily living with inspirational stories, quotes, and personal experiences of life, love, and men.

Readers will find assurance that their singleness is to be embraced, celebrated, and used as a time to grow closer to the Lord. They will also discover how to…

* realign their priorities
* get the most from being single
* have a joyful and meaningful existence without a mate

With her humorous, tell–it–like–it–is style, Michelle connects with readers and shares the fulfillment she has found in Christ.

Welcome to Metro Closes Doors. As it’s obvious to you, the Metro rider, that as Metro may open doors, we’re going to talk about what happens when (and after) the doors close.

Whether they close on someone, which is certainly hilarious, or never close at all; this blog will document the strange happenings on our own beloved Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority.

This blog will be moving forward momentarily.

Got a story for us? Comment?